While working in the corporate lifestyle, I used to daydream about the day where I'd be home, Not work, and take care of my babies. That day has arrived. It's great. It's beautiful. It's rewarding. But it's Nothing like I expected. I thought it would be challenging, but still be easier than getting up and going to work every morning. I was wrong. In this new job, you get no breaks, no lunch, no weekend, and no PTO. Don't get me wrong here, the rewards are far more worth than any promotion/great review/annual bonus. But the job too is harder than any meeting/project/client work! My baby has decided, since the last 2 months, that he just doesn't want to sleep at night completely. He has decided, yes I will sleep. I will go into deep sleep for even 1 - 2 hours! But just when my mom goes into HER deep (the meaning of deep now just means.. sleeping WITH eyes closed) sleep, I will wake up and cry. CRY uncontrollably. Cry until she comes, and sometimes even when she's holding me. It takes a lot of energy to then nurse the baby, put him back to sleep and put yourself back to sleep, all to have this happen again in another 1.5 hours. I have tried it all. Even the brutal BRUTAL method of letting the baby "Cry it out" but I have realized I am not the kind of mother who can handle it. The mothers out there who can, you are braver than me. My son is now napping, and I am not sure how long this will last. I was supposed to cook and put away the laundry in this time. But putting him to sleep today took an hour itself and now I am tired. I needed to vent so I came here. No one really understands except other moms, so someone out there who's reading this, I guess we're not alone.
That's all for today. No Cakes, no entree's. Just a tired mother who loves her baby to pieces.
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